last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
