I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
