If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
