I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
