Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
