Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
