gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
