my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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