i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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