He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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