we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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