He is an equal opportunity slut.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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