help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
