people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
