wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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