I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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