If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
