Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize