If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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