oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
