just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
