I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
