At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
