What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize