fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
