Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize