I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
