just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
