Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
