i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
