His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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