Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
