shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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