I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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