true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
