Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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