How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
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