so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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