There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
