The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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