the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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