how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize