we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
