you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
