why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
