He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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