ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
