Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
worst night to have a conscience
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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