C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize