I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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