She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
