When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
