Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
