I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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