Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
