we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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