mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
