I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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