Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
