Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
