so explain again why im purple
no
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
