Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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