Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
