I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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