Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Someone shit on the floor
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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