The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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