I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
