One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize