worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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